tik tok on the clock



but the party doesn't stop




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Hi.
I'm the girl...
who's born on Christmas Eve,
who's too shy to say hello to a stranger,
who was in Crescent NPCC,
who's now in ACJC,
who's ambition is to work in the music industry,
who's ambition is also to open a cafe somewhere,
who's ambition is also to become a teacher,
who is apparently very indecisive,
who writes songs and hopes that they'll be played on the radio someday,
who plays the guitar but isn't very good at it,
who sings in the shower,
who admires Meryl Streep and Amy Adams and Johnny Depp,
who thinks Selena Gomez should stick to acting,
who daydreams half the time,
who records these daydreams and spins them into stories,
who is a hopeless romantic,
who wishes that fairytales would come true,
who loves english literature,
who cannot stand mathematics and doesn't see the point of logarithms and quadratic equations,
who has zoophobia,
who doesn't want to bungee jump,
who doesn't like tomatoes but likes ketchup,
who likes blueberry pancakes,
who likes to eat raspberries,
who doesn't mind not being number one,
who can fake a smile easily,
who knows faking smiles isn't good,
who likes making people laugh,
who knows how it feels to be left out,
who is sometimes completely random,
who believes that loneliness is underrated,
and whose name is Althea.

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,
Tuesday, January 11, 2011 @ 2:23 AM


The more I look at that B on my cert, the more frustrated I get.

And so I ask myself, "What the fuck happened?". I think for a bit. I really do rack my brains over it. And then I realise...

I don't have an answer. I don't know.

How is it that I. Don't. Fucking. Know.

So I think again. I think and think and think and think until I feel like my brain's about to explode. And then I think some more and I keep thinking and thinking, and I try to figure out what in the world I did wrong.

But I still can't figure out what happened.

And it sucks. It really sucks. That I did such a horrible job at the subject that I actually pride myself in doing well in. How is it that I manage to screw this up so badly?

I still don't have an answer.

So I do the next thing I can think of. I cry. I sit there and stare at the cert, and I cry. It seems silly, stupid even, but it's the only thing I know works. Because even though I don't know what I did wrong, at the very least I can... Oh I don't know. I don't know what crying can achieve. I just cry.

I cry until I look up and I dry my tears and I continue writing this because frankly, I can't gather the energy to go to my drawer and take out my diary and pen this shit down.

I know it's sounds stupid of me to be crying about this B on my cert, because it's not even counted in my marks and I know of other people who fared not as good as me, but I can't help it. It's a B in a subject I actually had a lot of faith in. If it was an A, well maybe I wouldn't be as sad... But a B? Honestly? After scoring A1s (and pretty damn good A1s at that)? A B is just unacceptable.

I don't feel like I've let my parents down. Or my teachers.

I feel like I let myself down.

And then I realise what's left to do.

I apologize to myself.