tik tok on the clock



but the party doesn't stop




profile
Hi.
I'm the girl...
who's born on Christmas Eve,
who's too shy to say hello to a stranger,
who was in Crescent NPCC,
who's now in ACJC,
who's ambition is to work in the music industry,
who's ambition is also to open a cafe somewhere,
who's ambition is also to become a teacher,
who is apparently very indecisive,
who writes songs and hopes that they'll be played on the radio someday,
who plays the guitar but isn't very good at it,
who sings in the shower,
who admires Meryl Streep and Amy Adams and Johnny Depp,
who thinks Selena Gomez should stick to acting,
who daydreams half the time,
who records these daydreams and spins them into stories,
who is a hopeless romantic,
who wishes that fairytales would come true,
who loves english literature,
who cannot stand mathematics and doesn't see the point of logarithms and quadratic equations,
who has zoophobia,
who doesn't want to bungee jump,
who doesn't like tomatoes but likes ketchup,
who likes blueberry pancakes,
who likes to eat raspberries,
who doesn't mind not being number one,
who can fake a smile easily,
who knows faking smiles isn't good,
who likes making people laugh,
who knows how it feels to be left out,
who is sometimes completely random,
who believes that loneliness is underrated,
and whose name is Althea.

tagboard




I Just Haven't Met You Yet,
Sunday, May 01, 2011 @ 1:16 AM


Like ya like shooting stars
Write songs on guitar
Got more things to do than stare at a mirror

It's hard. To know know that you're... different. And everyone else seems to shun you because of it. It's hard to fit in.

Most of the people I have to make friends with are more... materialistic than I'll ever be. Maybe not materialistic in a bad way, but in the sense that... they care a lot more about their appearance than I do. The girls wear dresses, go out shopping for clothes, like lipstick and cosmetics and leather bags and heels and brown clothes and black shirts and sunshades and jeans and skirts and branded stuff and go on diets and are critical of everyone and necklaces and painted toenails and cardigans and eyebrow waxing and swimsuits and modelling and eyeshadow and have I mentioned that they like shopping?

It's not that they can't like these things. In fact, this is totally acceptable behaviour in society's eyes. This is what girls normally do. They go out, have fun, take lots and lots of pictures and smile with their teeth and wear dresses and shop a lot.

But I don't.

I hate posing for photos unnecessarily, I don't quite like smiling with my teeth, I definitely do not like shopping for clothes and I. Don't. Wear. Dresses.

I'm the kind of person who'd rather spend $30 on books, plays the guitar and writes songs, wears black shirts and beach shorts and flip-flops even if I'm going to Orchard, doesn't wish to go clubbing, thinks alcohol tastes disgusting, likes reading more than partying, and daydreams half the time. I like taking pictures of scenery, would rather spend $100 on a buffet than on clothes and accessories, hates wearing makeup, thinks dresses are uncomfortable and doesn't bitch about people much. I am a horrible conversation starter, and I'm extremely awkward around people I'm not familiar with, I take a long time to fit in and adapt, and I can be extremely quiet when I have nothing to say or I am not comfortable with the people I'm talking to. I am sarcastic and very irritable and I like to get things done so I can slack off later. I can be extremely direct and blunt, and I tend to insult people sarcastically to show that I like them, that I consider them friends because I think nice things should only be said when I'm particularly sure about my feelings and I'm quite certain I mean something and I love someone and I know someone well enough to be genuinely nice to them. I'm insecure and moody and sometimes I just want everyone to go away and leave me alone. I write stories, and poems that don't sound as nice as I want them to, and sing way too loud when I'm alone and am really shy and don't like hanging out with people who I don't mix well with rather than give them and myself another chance. I get jealous very easily and I am very sensitive. I am... me.

And it sucks, to know that everyone else is different. That the people I used to be comfortable with are drifting away from me because I can't keep up with them. That they too, are becoming people I Don't Know. And it's really sad to know that I will never be like them. Fitting in is, and will always be, a problem. Because the circle is too small and there is no space for people like me. An outsider - that's what I'll forever be.

So how on earth do you expect me not to distance myself from you when you're the very reason I do so? You say I'm a loner, that I'm antisocial, but I know I'm not. You're just not the right kind of person I hang out with. You're... different.

And different is bad, when it comes to making friends with you.

I wish I knew how to tell you all this, that I feel... excluded because I'm different. But I don't think I know how. I'm not brave enough to face it by myself. And there's no one who knows what goes through inside my head. No one knows I'm insecure, and that I'm upset about not being able to adapt quickly.

And you'll never know all this about me because you'll never bother to ask.

So I'll keep looking for someone who'll appreciate me for me and who will understand me in all my complexity and accept me even with all my flaws and help me stay on track and like me for who I am, not who I can be.

I'll keep searching for My Kind of Perfect.